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Old 29.09.2005, 14:51   #1
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Talking More quickies...

Hi!
Quote:
It was opening night at the Orpheum Theater and the Amazing Bobborino was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.
As Bobborino took to the stage, he announced:
- Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.
The excitement was almost electric as Bobborino withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat pocket.
- I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It is a very special watch. It has been in my family for six generations.
He began to swing the watch gently back anf forth while quietly chanting:
- Watch the watch, watch the watch ...
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
- Sh*t! - said the hypnotist.
...
It took three weeks to clean the Orpheum Theater.
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Old 29.09.2005, 14:53   #2
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... another one...
Quote:
1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is GOLF.

AMAZING CONCLUSION:
The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
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Old 29.09.2005, 14:57   #3
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... and another...
Quote:
When the surgeon came to see his young female patient on the day after her operation, she was slightly embarrassed.
So the doctor asked her:
- What's wrong?
- Well this is a bit embarrassing for me, but just how long will it be before I can resume my normal sex life?
- Uh... - stammered the doctor, as he thought pensively.
- Uh... I hadn't really thought about it. - replied the stunned surgeon - You're the first patient to ever ask me that after a tonsillectomy...
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Old 29.09.2005, 17:21   #4
poor misguided fool
 
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Old 30.09.2005, 14:41   #5
Нимфуля-красотуля :)
 
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and more
Quote:
After being nearly snowbound for two weeks last winter, a Seattle man departed for his vacation in Miami Beach, where he was to meet his wife the next day at the conclusion of her business trip to Minneapolis. They were looking forward to pleasant weather and a nice time together. Unfortunately, there was some sort of mix up at the boarding gate, and the man was told he would have to wait for a later flight.
He tried to appeal to a supervisor but was told the airline was not responsible for the problem and it would do no good to complain. Upon arrival at the hotel the next day, he discovered that Miami Beach was having a heat wave, and its weather was almost as uncomfortably hot as Seattle's was cold. The desk clerk gave him a message that his wife would arrive as planned. He could hardly wait to get to the pool area to cool off, and quickly sent his wife an e-mail, but due to his haste, he made an error in the e-mail address. His message therefore arrived at the home of an elderly preacher's wife whose even older husband had died only the day before. When the grieving widow opened her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out an anguished scream, and fell to the floor dead. Her family rushed to her room where they saw this message on the screen: Dearest wife, Departed yesterday as you know. Just now got checked in. Some confusion at the gate. Appeal was denied. Received confirmation of your arrival tomorrow. Your loving husband.
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Old 30.09.2005, 15:08   #6
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Old 30.09.2005, 16:34   #7
poor misguided fool
 
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Old 02.10.2005, 17:48   #8
Нимфуля-красотуля :)
 
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another one
Quote:

Hop Sing was a cook on the Ponderosa Ranch.
All the cowboys loved to poke fun at him because, being Chinese, he had a pigtail and wore a funny hat. He also couldn't speak English very well. The cowboys used to put live snakes and frogs in his bed and pulled on his pigtail, just to tease him. Hop Sing, however, never complained and kept on working. He was a good sport.
One day, the cowboys got together and said: "This Hop Sing is really a nice guy, we shouldn't be so mean to him." They decided to apologize to him for the many years of abuse.
So they went to Hop Sing as a group and said: "Hop Sing, we are very sorry for being so mean to you throughout the years. You are really a nice guy. From now on, we are going to be nice to you. There will be no more pigtail-pullin' and there will be no more snakes in your bed." "Good, good," said Hop Sing, overjoyed, "no more snake in the bed, no more pee in the soup!"
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Old 02.10.2005, 21:01   #9
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Old 02.10.2005, 23:01   #10
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My dear Red Stone , I see that you are still entetaining every one , missed you all
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Old 02.10.2005, 23:11   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sevana
My dear Red Stone , I see that you are still entetaining every one , missed you all
Hi honey!
I missed you too! Take a rest and as soons as you can, tell us a bit of your experiences... You may use the sub.forum "By the fire..." that appears to be dead...

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