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Old 30.03.2002, 02:54   #1
the happiest girl
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Post hillarious :)

The mere presence of a computer can short circuit normally intelligent people's brains. But sometimes it's just ridiculous

Tech Support: "Tell me, is the cursor still there?"
Customer: "No, I'm alone right now."

Customer: "This computer's gone all crazy. It's blinking, beeping, and doing all sorts of stuff!"
Tech Support: "What were you doing with the computer at the time?"
Customer: "I was dusting it."

Tech Support: "What seems to be the problem?"
Customer: "When I change my font sizes, the letters change size."

Tech Support: "No, sir...clicking on 'Remember Password' will NOT help you remember your password."

Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

Tech Support: "Ok, if you want to access the program you just installed you need to first go to the start menu...the start menu.... Ok, you get to that by moving your pointer, with the mouse, to the start button...the start button.... You are using Windows 98, correct? Ok, the start button? the lower left hand corner of the screen?...the START button...the button that
says 'start'... lower left hand corner...start...yes, it looks like a
button...says 'start', that's right...start.... Now move your pointer to that button.... No leave the mouse on the table and just slide it.... See how the pointer moves on the screen...? Yes, very neat. Move it over to the start button.... Yes, the button we were just discussing.... Press the
button.... What...? Oh...ok, now what I want you to do is push the power button again to turn the computer back on...."

Isn't it amazing how people can forget even the simplest things when they're sitting in front of a computer?

Tech Support: "Ok, click on 'Start,' click on 'Programs,' and then click on 'MS-DOS Prompt.'"
Customer: "Right."
Tech Support: "Ok, you should now have a black screen."
Customer: "Uhm." (sound of hand covering mouthpiece) "Cheryl, is this screen black??"

Tech Support: "Can I get your phone number starting with the area code?"
Customer: "You don't have it?"
Tech Support: "No I don't, but could I get it from you?"
Customer: "Ok, but I don't think my modem is working."
Tech Support: "No, could you please tell it to me verbally."
Customer: "Is that what the 'V' in my 'PB24DBFV' is?"
Tech Support: "Sort of, but could you just say your phone number over the phone now?"
Customer: "Ooohhhh, ok..."

A great many people are daunted by the power and complexity of computers and are deathly afraid of them

Customer: "Well, I just want to know if I load this disk into my computer,
won't other people be able to get into my computer and access everything I have in there?"
Tech Support: "No, that's not possible."
Customer: "You see it on the TV all the time."

Tech Support: Sir, I need your email address for marketing purposes.
Customer: "Email! I won't have anything to do with that Internet or modems of any sort! You should be careful about those. Don't you know that
once you install a modem, the government can look into your computer and watch everything you do? That's why every night before I go to bed, I turn the monitor to the wall."

Tech Support: "Sir, did you just install Office 97?"
So much good, so much evil. Just add water. (c)
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Old 30.03.2002, 21:39   #2
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Old 01.04.2002, 06:56   #3
the happiest girl
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here is more

Customer: "Hello, is this tech support?"
Tech Support: "Yes, it is; what is the nature of the problem you're
Customer: "I can't seem to power this thing up."
Tech Support: "If you are unable to boot your computer, sir, I suggest you
contact the manufacturer. This is Internet technical support."
Customer: "Computer?"
Tech Support: "Yes, your computer."
Customer: "I don't have a computer."
Tech Support: "What is the item you are having difficulty with?"
Customer: "My new lawn mower."
Tech Support: (stifling a giggle) "Sir, you have reached Internet
technical support. I suggest you double-check the number and try again."
Customer: "No, I'm sure I got it right. Are you going to send anybody out
to fix this damn thing?"
Tech Support: "Sir, we do not support lawn mowers. Please check the number
and try it again."
Customer: "What kind of *@#%! service is this? *&$#^ you! I wasn't born
yesterday, you know!" (click)

Tech Support: "Ok, sir, please set the modem speeds from your telephone
numbers down to 2400."
Customer: "Why can't I leave them at 57,600?"
Tech Support: "Because, sir, you have a 2400 baud modem. 57,600 is not
appropriate for your modem."
Customer: "Everything is too slow at 2400."
Tech Support: "Well, you can always upgrade your modem."
Customer: "How can I do that?"
Tech Support: "You can purchase a new modem at any local computer store.
Most of them will even install it for you."
Customer: "I don't want to buy a new modem. Can't I make this modem go
Tech Support: "No sir, you have a 2400 baud modem. That is as fast as this
modem will go."
Customer: "Ok, I set it to 2400." (tries to sign on and fails again) "See?
That wasn't the problem!"
Tech Support: "Ok, let's go back in and make sure that your changes to the
modem speeds were saved."
Customer: "Why can't I at least put it at 9600??"

I had this conversation recently with a lady who swore she had been using
computers since forever.
Tech Support: "All right. Now click 'OK'."
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "Yes, click 'OK'."
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "That's right. Click 'OK'."
Customer: "So I click 'OK', right?"
Tech Support: "Right. Click 'OK'."
Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "YOU CLICKED 'CANCEL'???"
Customer: "That's what I was supposed to do, right?"
Tech Support: "No, you were supposed to click 'OK'."
Customer: "I thought you said to click 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "NO. I said to click 'OK'."
Customer: "Oh."
Tech Support: "Now we have to start over."
Customer: "Why?"
Tech Support: "Because you clicked 'Cancel'."
Customer: "Wasn't I supposed to click 'Cancel'?"
Tech Support: "No. Forget that. Let's start from the top."
Customer: "Ok."
I spent the next fifteen minutes re-constructing the carefully crafted setup for
this lady's unique computer.
Tech Support: "All right. Now, are you ready to click 'OK'?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Great. Now click 'OK'."
Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."
[I wanted to cry]

Customer: "Look, look!!!!! Look what it's doing!!! Can you BELIEVE this?? Why
is it doing that??"
Tech Support: "Sir, I can't see your computer, what is it doing?"
Customer: "WHAT??? Can't you figure it out?? LOOK AT MY COMPUTER SCREEN!!!!!
You can see it, can't you?!"

Customer: "I would like to buy a game for my kid."
Salesman: "Sure madam, come with me."
Customer: "Are these on floppy disks? The boxes are too light."
Salesman: "Well madam, games are not being released on diskettes any more.
They are being released on CDs."
Customer: "CDs?"
Salesman: "Well, do you know the CDs with music?"
Customer: "Yes?"
Salesman: "Same thing, only it contains a PC game, and we use it in the PC, in
the cdrom drive. Do you have a cdrom drive in your PC?"
Customer: "Well, I am not sure. Can I buy it and copy it on a floppy disk and
use it from there?"
Salesman: "Well no madam, that's not possible."
Customer: "Why?"
Salesman: "It cannot fit in a single floppy disk. It's too small. The game is
made to run from the CD and not from the floppy anyway."
Customer: "Well, I can use many floppy disks."
Salesman: "I told you madam, even if you copy it in the disks it won't work.
And anyway you would need many disks to do that. Around 400."
Customer: "I think I have 400 disks in my home. How much does the game cost?"

Customer: "I'll have you know, I've never even seen a computer before
Great. Great start to a call. He wanted to install the Internet connection
software we have, so I had him insert the CD. "It ain't workin'!" was all I
heard for about two minutes of trying the drive and checking to see if it was
really there.
Tech Support: "Sir, could you eject your CD for a moment? We need to check if
it's scratched."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Look on the bottom of the CD, and see if there are any
scratches on it."
Customer: "On the bottom? Shouldn't we check the top?"
Tech Support: "Is the shiny side of the CD on the top?"
Customer: "Of course."
Tech Support: "Ok, could you flip it over so the shiny side is down and then
insert it into the drive?"
Customer: "Won't it scratch if I put it in like that?"
Tech Support: "No, it won't scratch."
Customer: "Well, ok...."
He inserted the CD in the drive correctly, and then his computer froze.
Customer: "My computer froze! I told you it would scratch the CD!"
Tech Support: "I'm sure that's not the problem--"
Customer: "I can't believe you scratched the CD."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir, could you hold down 'ctrl' and 'alt', and then--
(clunking sounds) Hello? Hello, sir?"
There was no one on the line for a moment. Then he spoke up again.
Customer: "I've been holding 'ctrl' and 'alt' for the past two minutes, and
nothing is happening at all on my whole damn computer, because you made me
scratch the software."
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Old 17.04.2002, 20:45   #4
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Good customer service
This has got to be one of the funniest I've heard of in a long
time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is
a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline which was transcribed
from a recording monitoring the customer care department.
Needless to say the HelpDesk employee was fired; however,
he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for
"Termination without Cause."

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support
employee (now I know why they record these conversations)!

"Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark."
"Yes, -the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power failure."
"A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too ****ing stupid to own a computer.
When I'm good - I'm very good, but when I'm bad - I'm better
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Old 18.04.2002, 01:28   #5
acid's Avatar
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2 marsou
es et techsupporti texy mi vaxt eli kaifavat klinei dra vra
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Old 18.04.2002, 03:56   #6
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Originally posted by acid:
2 marsou
es et techsupporti texy mi vaxt eli kaifavat klinei dra vra
de et tech supportn el ira upgrade tesakna
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Old 22.09.2004, 18:38   #7
[ Xelgen ]'s Avatar
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Originally Posted by marsou
"Tell them you're too ****ing stupid to own a computer.

Как нить соберусь с духом и выложу ламоразмы, которые я встречал за свою практику .
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