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Old 24.04.2004, 16:34   #1
Elvish
 
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Mojno ved’ vzyat’ I prosto opisat’ tot dom, v kotorom ya jivu, v kotorom proshlo vse moyo detstvo I v kotorom, navernoe, provedu eje neskol’ko let. Esli tak, to eto budet banal’no, daje glupo I neinteresno. Mojno eje opisat’ dom, v kotorom ya xotela by jit’ I umeret’. V etom sluchae poluchit’ca dovol’no interesno rasskaz o rayskom sade, krasivom udobnom dome, okrujennom nevidannoy krasyderevyami I pticami. No skazat’, chto eto ideal’niy variant, toje nel’zya, tak kak, kak I vse ‘ideal’noe’, etot variant ischerpaet sebya ochen’ bistro I jit’ stanet nevynosimo skuchno. A s drugoy storony, nigde net ideala. Ego prosto nevozmojno nayti. Daje v takoy obyknovennoy veji, kak tvoyo jil’yo. A posemu ne budu udlublyat’c v podrobnosti o rayskom dome I jizni, tak je kak I v tom, gde ya jivu.
Temnota, vechniy dojd’ s gromom, I izredka osvejaemoe molniey nebo. Derevya, makushek kotorix ya uvidet’ ne mogu. Lyudi s pochti nevidimymi licami I s eje bolee nevidimymi I nevedomymi mne namereniyami I jelaniyami. Ya v neveroyatno serebryannoy odejde posredi vsego etogo xaosa. Lyudi sumashedshie, I ya v kakoy-to moment osoznayu eto. No et one meshaet v sleduyujuyu je sekudnu zabyt’ ob etom I pytat’ca nayti edinomyshlenikov, druzey, postroit’ “dom”, v kotorom mojesh’ spryatat’ca ot vsego. Spryatat’ca ot Zla, kogda uje ne mojesh’ s nim borot’ca, Otchayaniya, kogda ono du****, Lyubvi, kogda ona muchaet, ot Toski, kogda ot neyo mojesh’ umeret’. No togda Zlo, v lice lyudey s prozrachnym vzglyadom, ot kotorogo v droj’ brosaet, voznikaet pered toboy, unosit, istreblyaet tvoix novoyavlenix “druzey”. Vtorgaetca v tvoyu jizn’ v vide alkogolya, tabaka I narkotikov. Snachala tebe tak I kajet’ca, to est’ ty ne osoznaesh’, chto eto Zlo na tebya gotovit poxod. Tebe mojet pokazat’ca, chto ty nashel sposob ot vsex nepriyatnostey uyti I padaesh’ v bezgranichnuyu bezdnu poroka. “Ved’ v etom dolgom obmane, nazyvaemom jinz’, net nichego jelanney, chem oprometchviy shag.” No na polovine puti, tochnee na polovine tvoego padeniya, tebya vdrug nastigdet Otchayaniye, kotoroe ty ne vzyal s soboy. Bejit, bejit po tvoim sledam I nakonec nastigaet I toda ty obnarujivaesh’ sebya gde-to na polu, derjas’ za golovu, s dlinnimy chernymi volosami, raspustivshimisya po tvoemu licu. Potom ponimaesh’, chto et one volicy, a slezy, kotorie ot tvoego Otchayaniya stali chernymi. I togda, kak pravilo, s toboy ryadom ne okajet’ca ni odnogo iz tex lyudey, s kotorymi ty sidel v bare chas nazad. Ni odin iz nix ne syadet s toboy na xolodnom polu, I ne budet takje otchayanno pytat’ca ubrat’ kopnu chernyx “volos” s tvoego lica. A ne sluchit’ca etogo potomu, chto veroyatno toje budut sidet’ tak je gde to. I tebya toje ne okajet’ca ryadom. A kogda Otchayaniye uydet vmeste s deystviem alkogolya s tvoego zamerevshego tela, nasmenu pridet Toska. Nikto ne znaet, kto iz nix ujasnee, Toska ili Otchayanie. I togda ona podoydet k tebe blizko, ochen’ blizko, pochti stanet tvoim telom I budet muchat’tebya, poka ne ostanet’ca ni sil, ni jelaniya protivit’ca eyo jelaniyu. I kogda ty opustish’ obessilevshie ruki s nevedimoy protivnicy, ona vonzit’ca vse svoim sujestvom v tvoy um, dushu, serdce. Vse! Tebe bol’she nechego chuvstvovat, krome nee_Toski. Toska po miru, v pryamom I perenosnom smysle. Voyna I Mir. Vot kak mojn o opisat’ sostoyanie, v kotorom ty naydesh’ sebya pozje. Voina, kotoruyu ty tol’ko chto porigral, I mir, kotorogo, vozmojno uje nikogda ne dostignesh’…
Prosnesh’sya utrom ot nevynosimoy boli. Boli osoznaniya vsey plachevnosti svoego sostoyaniya. I skvoz tuman utrennego sveta, gromkogo peniya ptic, vstanesh’, otkroesh’lyubimuyu knigu I pocuhvstvuesh’ rastujuyu v tebe Lyubov’, s pervym slovom “love”, vstrechennym v knige. Stanet legche. Lyubov’ ko vsemu:etomu tumanu, kotoriy neponyatno otkuda poyavilsya; k knige, I bez togo lyubimoy;k lyudyam; k nebu, obraz kotorogo eje soxranila tvoya pamyat’ I podpityvaet tvoyo voobrajeniye. Eto chuvstvo v tebe rastet, rastet I kajetca tebe skoro budet neveroyatno trudno uderjat’ ego vnutri. I ty viydesh’ tuda, gde t’ma, no gde est’ kto-to poxojiy na tebya, gde est’ chelovek, s kotorym ty xochesh’ podelit’ca etoy Lyubov’u. Nevajno daje, naydesh’ lit y ego v vide cheloveka iz tvoego okrujenia tvoix druzey, iz sosednego dvora ili na rabote, ili vydumaesh’ ego. Potomu chto pytayas’ ukryt’ca ot odinochestva, vnezapno naxlunuvshego na tebya iz glubiny dushi, ty daje gotov pridumat’ ego. I etot chelovek ili vydumka toje ne budut ideal’nymi, potomu chto tebe nevedomo ojujeniya polnogo chast’ca ili togo, chto privykli nazyvat schast’em. Ty vsegda ostavish’ sebe tropinku, vedujuyu nazad, tuda, otkuda tebe kogda nibud’ zaxochet’ca uyti. I nevajno skol’ko raz tebe pridet’ca proyti etot put’ tuda I obratno, potomu chtobez ojujeniya vsey etoy gammy chuvstv ty ne smojesh’ sujestvovat’…
Vot eto I est’ dom, v kotorom ya jivu. Xotya kajdiy vybiraet sebe svoy put’, no u vsex vybor odinakovo malen’kiy, tak chto lyuboy iz nyne jivujix I davno ushedshix za more El’fov proydet etot prekrasniy ujasniy put’ k Lyubvi…



12/02/04
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Old 24.04.2004, 16:58   #2
Hasta la victoria siempè!
 
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Невероятно серебряная одежда - это сильно.
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Old 25.04.2004, 17:40   #3
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Арвен и Элессар грустят
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Old 25.04.2004, 17:50   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sauron
Арвен и Элессар грустят
Eto ne grust'.....eto konstantnoe sostoyanie...
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Old 25.04.2004, 18:49   #5
Hasta la victoria siempè!
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sauron
Арвен и Элессар грустят
Странное наблюдение. За Арвен говорить не берусь, но я грустить как не собирался, так и не собираюсь.
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Old 26.04.2004, 16:54   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elessar
Странное наблюдение. За Арвен говорить не берусь, но я грустить как не собирался, так и не собираюсь.
hmm....
nujno bylo zametit' ctho ya toje ne berus' govorit' o Ellasare
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Old 26.04.2004, 18:30   #7
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Znakomoe sostoyanie A interesno by proillustrirovat` zarisovku . Nikto ne pytalsya?
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Old 26.04.2004, 18:33   #8
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Smile волшебно...

...я бы переписала все это кириллицей и постнула в Лит. уголок... молодчина, твои чувства, ощущения... в них есть что-то ускользающее, некий эфемерный шелковый аромат... молодец... бывало, мой дом тоже казался мне таким... сейчас все по-другому... но, тем не менее, родственные мысли...
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Old 26.04.2004, 18:36   #9
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Belka -jan, ya tozhe podumala o lit.ugolke, no esli chestno, ochen `rada interesnym postam v moem razdele Potomu i molchu
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Old 06.05.2004, 07:00   #10
Elvish
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Belka
...я бы переписала все это кириллицей и постнула в Лит. уголок... молодчина, твои чувства, ощущения... в них есть что-то ускользающее, некий эфемерный шелковый аромат... молодец... бывало, мой дом тоже казался мне таким... сейчас все по-другому... но, тем не менее, родственные мысли...
da,nujno pochaje zaxodit' na forum...
thanks Belka...still....is that really magic?...
I"ll think about rewriting it though don't think I will, because of my laziness..
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Old 06.05.2004, 07:01   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Helen
Znakomoe sostoyanie A interesno by proillustrirovat` zarisovku . Nikto ne pytalsya?
ya pytalas'....no dumayu s postom xolsta na forume budut problemy....[sorry za neskromnost']
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Old 06.05.2004, 09:10   #12
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kakie eto problemy??
xolst v studiyu!
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Old 10.05.2004, 19:05   #13
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bEEEEdnaya bEEEdnaya Arwen... mne tebia jalko....
no nichego, ne bois', vse eto proidet...
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Old 12.05.2004, 11:19   #14
Elvish
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dita
bEEEEdnaya bEEEdnaya Arwen... mne tebia jalko....
no nichego, ne bois', vse eto proidet...
.....
neujeli?......
spasibo oboydus' bez tvoey jalosti.....anyhow.....
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Old 12.05.2004, 12:31   #15
սև, մունդառ ու մանրմունր
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sauron
Арвен и Элессар грустят
A Sauron, kak i polagaetsia chernomu vlastelinu, raduetsia
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