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Old 19.09.2004, 09:55   #1
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Talking Funny conversations with Microsoft's Help Desk

It's from Microsoft's Help Desk. This took place between customer support people and their customers:

Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to, print a document, but the computer won't boot properly."

Tech Support: "What does it say?"

Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."

Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy
inside?"

Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel
inside."

---------------------------------

Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."

Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

---------------------------------

Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button."

Customer: (silence) "But I only have one mouse."

---------------------------------

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open
Desktop."

Customer: "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up
menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up
until this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote'click'."

---------------------------------

Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting
the same error message."

Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to
work?"

---------------------------------

Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."

Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."

Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."

Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it
says."

Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery
disk'."

Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."

Customer: "What?"

Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"

Customer "No..."

---------------------------------

Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"

Tech Support: ?@#$

---------------------------------

Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,
can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

---------------------------------

Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?"

Customer: "A white one."

---------------------------------

Tech Support: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."

Customer: "How do you spell that?"

---------------------------------
Tech Support: "Is your computer on a separate telephone
line?"

Customer: "No." (clicks the button to log on to our service)

Tech Support: "Well then we can't-"

Customer: "It says 'no dial tone'."

Tech Support: "That's because you're on the line with me right
now. You need to-"

Customer: "No, that's not it. It does this all the time. I just
have to try a few times, and it will let me through."

Tech Support: "No, ma'am. It's not even trying to dial right now
because you're on the phone with me."

Customer: "It must be busy. I'll try again later."

---------------------------------

Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"

Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery
store."

---------------------------------

Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?"

Customer: "Pentium."



---------------------------------

Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."

---------------------------------

Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."



---------------------------------

Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"



---------------------------------

Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?"

Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech Support: "Well?"

Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"

---------------------------------

Customer: "I have a long distance modem."

---------------------------------

Customer: "I don't have a space bar."
--------------

Enjoy!!!!!!!!
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Мадмазель, Медам, Месье! "Глория" меняет курс и направляется в Кейптаун! Кому это не нравится будет расстрелян на месте. (с)

http://texneg.livejournal.com
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Old 19.09.2004, 21:32   #2
Николай Константинов
 
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Cool, the last one with on space bar a perfect one..
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Old 20.09.2004, 12:59   #3
старожил
 
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Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
--------
АААААААААААААААААА, хахахаххаха!
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Old 20.09.2004, 13:20   #4
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here is some more

hillarious :)

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Old 22.09.2004, 14:43   #5
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Old 22.09.2004, 16:09   #6
инсценирующи
 
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Yeah, believe me I understand theese Support guys.
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Old 23.09.2004, 07:49   #7
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<frank> can you help me install GTA3?
<knightmare> first, shut down all programs you aren't using
frank has quit IRC. (Quit)
<knightmare> ...
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Old 23.09.2004, 14:08   #8
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experience suggestive
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Old 04.10.2004, 11:29   #9
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Talking Interesting software ideas

Juss a followup with interesting s/w ideas..... [Ed: Edited from an article on "The humour interface project" ]

The group shared their favorites. Windows that crack or melt into a slag heap. The MacIntosh IBM DOS emulator that, when fired up, begins to put up a zippy MacIntosh screen, stops halfway down the screen to declare, "Oops? Sorry. You wanted 1950s technology." It then goes into command line mode. The supposed unused ROM hook in the Mac that would have caused a monkey to dance across the screen ONCE upon the 7698th (or whatever) boot of the machine. Insects crawling around the screen.

Enjoy
------
As you read this, project programmers in ski-masks are already coding up:

[B]ELUSIVE MENU:[/B] When the mouse cursor enters such menus, the menus dodge away while insulting the user with appropriate language and gestures. Somebody informed us this is just like the Mac Bomb program.

CRASHING WINDOWS: You begin to move a window. Suddenly it accelerates out of your control up toward the corner of the screen. When it reaches the corner, it smashes to pieces, falling to the bottom of the screen. Appropriate sounds effects are heard. Email is sent to the site manager blaming you for the broken window.

AEROBIC WINDOWS: You begin to move a window and suddenly it accelerates out of your control bouncing around the screen faster and faster. It finally slows down an sits on your screen off in the direction you were moving it, but huffing and puffing, sort of expanding in and out. You begin working again, its breathing slows and stops after a few moments.

PEOPLE INSIDE THE MONITOR: You get an error. A large face leans in from the left, gives you a "Lettermanesque look," like he's got a horrible flavor on his tongue, and then leans back out of the monitor.

GIGANTIC SCREEN-FILLING BODY PART MOUSE CURSOR ICONS: You can move them no more than a half inch in each direction. Need the Interface-esE liberation Army say more?
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