[Red Stone]

Hi!

A lady walks into the drug store and asks the druggist for some arsenic. The druggist asks:
- Ma'am, what do you want to do with arsenic?
The lady says:
- To kill my husband.
- I can't sell you any for that reason! - says the druggist.
The lady then reaches into her purse and pulls out a photo of her husband and the druggist's wife naked having sex together, and shows it to the druggist.
He looks at the photo and says:
- Oh, I didn't know you had a prescription!

[Red Stone]

Another one...

A mountain farmer got in his pickup and drove several miles to a neighboring farm and knocked on the farmhouse door. A young boy, about 12 opened the door.
- Is yer pa home? - the farmer asked.
- No sir he ain't. - the boy replied. - He went to town.
- Well... - said the farmer - is yer ma here?
- No, she ain't here either. She went to town with pa.
- How about your brother, Joe, is he here?
- He went with ma and pa.
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
- Is there anything I can do fer ya? - the boy inquired politely. - I know where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer pa...
- Well, - said the farmer uncomfortably - I really wanted to talk to yer pa. It's about your brother Joe getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant.
The boy considered for a moment.
- You would have to talk to pa about that... - he finally conceded - but if it helps you any, I know that pa charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the boar hog but I really don't know how much he gets for Joe.

[Red Stone]

... and another...

President George W. Bush is visiting an elementary school today and he visits one of the classes (4th grade). They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word, "tragedy". So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy."
One little boy stands up and offers:
- If my best friend, who lives next door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy.
- No, - says Bush - that would be an ACCIDENT.
A little girl raises her hand:
- If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy.
- I'm afraid not, - explains Mr. President - That's what we would call a GREAT LOSS.
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Bush searches the room.
- Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?
Finally, way in the back of the room, a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says:
- If an American Air Force plane, carrying Mr. & Mrs. Bush, were struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, by a terrorist like Osama bin Laden, that would be a tragedy.
- Fantastic, - exclaims Bush - that's right. And can you tell me WHY that would be a TRAGEDY?
- Well, - says the boy - because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss.

[Red Stone]

... now the quickiest...

What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?

(Spoilers ahead...)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.

Pregnant!

[Nimfa]

Let me continue

A businessman walks into a bank in San Francisco and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.

While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The businessman replied, "Where else in San Francisco can I park my car for two weeks for $15 bucks?"

[Red Stone]

Originally Posted by Nimfa

Let me continue

Thanks, Nimfa!

[lightontheshore]

thanks!
i liked the first one the most. hm, i was reading pharmacology some minutes ago.