Southwest Airlines has the Answer

[PsilocybeLarvae]

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.

The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.

So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"

The boy said, "Yes she did."

"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to you."

[PsilocybeLarvae]

I've personally never flown Southwest (that I can remember), so I've never experienced this, but rumor has it they've got some pretty funny flight attendants. After Sept. 11, they stopped being funny for a bit, but the humor has returned. From this Wall Street Journal article, some quotes:


"OK, people, it's open seating, just like at church -- saints up front, sinners in back,"

"Remember, this isn't a furniture store. You're only renting this seat for an hour"

"Please place your seatback, tray table and intern in the full upright and locked position."

In the unlikely event of a cabin depressurization, "please secure your mask and then decide which child you like better."

"If you smoke in this airplane, the FAA will fine you $2,000 [pause] and at those prices, you might as well fly Delta!"

"Everyone on the plane's left side, toward the terminal, put your faces in the window and smile so our competitors can see what a full flight looks like."

I think I need to start flying that airline.


Posted by jake on 01/13/03 @ 01:35 PM
http://utterlyboring.com/archives/20...t_airlines.php

[PsilocybeLarvae]

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.


Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Mechanic: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Pilot: Something loose in cockpit.
Mechanic: Something tightened in cockpit.

Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Mechanic: DME volume set to more believable level.

Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield.
Mechanic: Suspect you're right.

Pilot: Aircraft handles funny.
Mechanic: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

http://www.funsulting.com/h_june_2004_newsletter.html

[Red Stone]

Thanks PsilocybeLarvae!

Some good ones! By the way, dit Southwest Airlines bought Qantas?

Cheers!

[PsilocybeLarvae]

Red Stone, no idea.
But I know that SA is the only american airline that actually makes profit. That's before and after 9/11.

[Moonlight]

lovely)) & who tells americans don't have real humor?

[Red Stone]

Originally Posted by Moonlight

lovely)) & who tells americans don't have real humor?

Who spoke about humour? This is very serious, my dear!

[PsilocybeLarvae]

btw, did you know that in SA they don't do handshakes, prefering hugs instead?

[Red Stone]

Originally Posted by PsilocybeLarvae

btw, did you know that in SA they don't do handshakes, prefering hugs instead?

So... who cleans the marks of lipstick afterwards?... I mean those in "difficult" places?

[Red Stone]

Once we are flying Southwest, Qantas, whatever... here is one that could happen with any airline company:

During a flight, after connecting the auto-pilot, the captain addresses his speech to the passengers:

- Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen! This is your captain speaking! We are flying at an altitude of 15000 meters and our cruise speed is 900 km/h. We are flying over... blah blah.

He finishes, and inadvertently didn't disconnect the microphone. A few seconds later he stretchs his arms and says to the co-pilot:

- We'll have a perfect flight! The weather is on our side! What I need now is a good strong coffee and a nice woman to play with...

In the cabin, one of the hostesses hearing this runs to the cockpit - probably for disconnecting the microphone - when a passenger interrupts her race:

- Don't rush, Miss! He wants the coffee first!